Please Read

I have cried my eyes out and I cannot go to sleep unless I get this off my chest. My heart aches. To think how selfish and spoiled I've been. I used to be so upset that I had to move to Tx and quit racing, now I'm getting a glimpse of why. I'm so blessed by my heavenly Father. I'm so thankful for my boys, my amazing husband and soul mate and our circumstances.

I have been guilty of not being content when I didn't get my way. Of wanting the normal 3/2 with 2.5 kids, a dog, an SUV, going to church on Sundays and calling that a life, doing a Bible study and volunteering here and there and calling that religion. God has opened my eyes to so much more and I'm ashamed.

I'm ashamed for so many things but most of all I'm ashamed of caring more about animals than about children. I know that sounds weird but I used to be so sad about animal cruelty and want to give to those organizations and the human society. I wanted to donate my time to spend time with strays. But children.... well that is sad but I would just go on and forget about them. It was so easy. I was so blind! There are children RIGHT NOW suffering, just as bad if not worse than some animals except that these children, these babies have souls. Eternal souls!!!

I have been praying recently for a heart that breaks over things that break the heart of our Father. Through Caius' birth I have been connected with amazing women whose faith is astounding. Thank you Lord for them. I have been connected with Reece's Rainbow and those pictures haunt me. No longer can I just look and go on. No longer can I forget about those angels neglected and dying. No longer can I stay silent. They weigh heavy on my heart and I cry for them.

Today I cried for Wade. Adeye, talks about him and shows pictures of him in the post mentioned below. I ache for him. He is 3 years old and barely weighs 10 lbs. He has the sores on the front and back of his head from banging it on his crib for stimulation. How is he not being held? How can no one love him, hold him, kiss him? How is everything that I just said a foreign concept to him?

Please, PLEASE read this post. It is called "I left my heart there" posted June 21, 2010. http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/search/label/orphans Please read to the bottom, look at the pictures. Please pray about how you can help. Please consider sponsoring a child, 100% of your donation goes to these babies adoption funds. Please hurt with me so we can make a difference. Please cry with me.

The Count

1- How many rabbits went to the vet today to have

2- you know whats removed.

3- how many shirts I've already gone through this morning due to throw up

4- how many outfits Caius has gone through for the same reason

5- how many different breakfast foods Ash has eaten

6- how many times Caius has thrown up

7- how many Caius diapers I've changed today

8- how many hours of sleep I wish I could have gotten

9- how many minutes of sleep I actually got

10- is how great my hair smelled with puke in it

11- am is what time all this happened before.

I hope the rest of the day goes smoother and that my little man would feel better. But now I must go feed Ash lunch, he is going to eat us out of house and home.

Nothing to say

Well today was supposed to be the big day. We went to the cardiologist. Caius weighed 13 lbs 12 ozs!! The doc said he looked great and called to schedule his surgery for the first couple weeks of July. Well, wouldn't you know, they are all booked. So now we have an appointment with the surgeons on July 1 and will schedule the surgery then. The scheduler said that maybe something will open up by then. I wish there was a frustrated font, if so I would use it.

WhataWednesday!

I would like say that I LOVE the boys pediatricians. They a wonderful! So since we didn't have any therapies this week, crazy I know, I called to schedule well baby visits. The poor woman scheduling was having a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that Caius is 8 months old and his last well child check-up was at 2 weeks old. Talk about a reality check for me. I looked at a couple of his baby pics yesterday, which is really hard for me to do, and I saw his little chest with no scars. :-(

Anyhow, not knowing if the A/C in the car was going to work I put some wet towels on ice and then used them in the boys car seats. The A/C actually did work and the boys froze all the way there. We were right on time, not early but not late either and then..... the loop was down to one lane. I, trying to put my previous driving style behind me, got in line to wait my turn. The line didn't move. Why? Because of everybody flying by in the other lane and cutting in front of us. So I decided to make it fair, like that's my job. I pull into the middle of the road. Which worked for a little bit but then this car shoots around me on the shoulder and the rest of that lane starts to follow. It was then that I lost it but just a little bit, I never said a word or made a noise. I pulled into their lane blocking them which really upset the lead truck. It was then that I was thankful that I didn't have any fish on my car and realized that I was being ridiculous. So I went ahead of everyone pulled in front of a semi that was lagging behind and got out of the traffic. No more miss nicey for me.

It was Asher's appointment and everything was fine until we left the waiting room. Keep in mind he has never gotten a shot, he has only had his blood drawn twice with a heel prick. But that didn't matter, he lost it. Screaming, crying, red faced, snot, tears, etc. The nurse said take off his shoes so we can get a weight. I told her she was pushing it. Ash survived the weigh in but then Dr. L came in, who is the sweetest man and Ash lost it again. You'd have thought that there was electric probes on his stethoscope. I was having to hold Asher down so he could be listened to and looked at. It was ridiculous.

Once we left the room I started talking to Caius' Pedi and Ash started playing with Cali, her nurse, and he was fine. He loves to stand on her pile of files. I had to apologize for the footprints.

The good news from the day was that Ash is above the 50th percentile on weight and height. And that he doesn't have another well visit for a year, thank goodness.

Call me a quack but if it works...

Yesterday our Speech Therapist came and Caius wouldn't take any milk or food by mouth. We were both disgusted that we have lost so much ground due to his congestion/throwing up. Desperate I went online and read about a mom using AK (Applied Kinesiology) to diagnose her child's allergies. I've had this done before so I knew exactly what she was talking about. I must admit when I had it done I was skeptical but it was right on.

So I found a Dr. who practices AK here in SA and got Caius in yesterday afternoon. Caius tested weak to Milk (we knew that), MSG, Whey, and soy.

I had stopped eating wheat and eggs again but not soy. I don't know why I didn't think about soy as a possible problem but sure enough. So now I can eat eggs and wheat but no soy. I started yesterday but it will take a few weeks before we will really know if it is helping.

I wish I would have done this sooner. It might be whacky but at least it is completely noninvasive and you don't have to take a medication and then wait and see, wondering all the time if maybe you are having some weird side effect to the drug.

Our physical therapist came today and was super impressed with Cai's head control. He is however doing a flying W with his legs and its not cool so we are going to have to order special shorts for him so his hips will develop correctly.

Asher is awesome! He is trying SO hard to talk. He talks and talks but we only understand one or two words. Poor guy! He has, however, been swimming a lot this week and has a great tan!

Rabbit Stew

I'm in need of a good recipe for rabbit stew cuz I'm gonna kill Jorge. Also if you have a good side dish for cat let me know cuz I'm gonna kill 7 too! So last night it rained and stormed all night which I guess makes everybody go nuts!!

7 decided that she would melt if she went outside to go to the bathroom and that she needed to use Jorge's litter box. At 2 AM there she is digging away, spraying pellets all over the wall and making a huge racket! I get on to her and she leaves, only to return and start all over a few minutes later. I grab the litter box and put it out back under the porch. I haven't checked it this morning. Yuck!

So at 4 AM Jorge starts zooming. But he, like 7, decides that he will also melt if he goes out in the rain and starts making laps around our bedroom. Which wouldn't have been that bad except that I have plastic storage boxes under the bed that are pushed all the way to wall. So he would jump on these and run from one side of the bed to the other and then slide to a halt to maneuver his way out from under the bed. Needless to say I locked that cotton-tailed rat out of the room.

I was up so much last night and only once was it for the kiddos! Then to add insult to injury every time I would get out of bed Josh would migrate to the middle and roll himself up in the sheets. At one point I had my feet on his back and I was pulling the covers with everything I had.

Poor Caius had a good night but is throwing up quite a bit today. And Asher I think is going stir crazy, I hope the sun comes out this afternoon.

Glutton for punishment

I must be a glutton for punishment. I had the 'great' idea to go shopping today. Granted I REALLY need to go to the store (need is still in present tense on the account I could only find 1/3 of the stuff I needed and I wasn't about to go to another store.). My A/C pooped out early this week and with Caius' heart problems causing overheating this is completely unacceptable. Even with the A/C working I still wet a rag with cold water and put it on ice to chill. I then place it behind Caius in his car seat so he won't overheat and then throw-up. So the 'great' idea was to go out early cuz it won't be too hot or crowed.

'Great' in theory. But 1 store and 1 hour later, after walking the store at least 3 times looking for junk and cleaning up 12 ozs of milk spilled sporadically throughout the store, I finally gave up and called the whole trip quits. So, I'm at the truck; Ash is running thru the cart return. I'm trying to turn on the truck since Cai is so hot (I'd been pouring water on his head in the 100 degree store trying to keep him cool.) My bags fall out of cart an spill on pavement. I'm wrangling Asher and this dear sweet man on a beautiful BMW cruiser walks over, picks up my stuff and puts the bags in the truck. When he does he looks at me and says "God bless you hon". I must have looked as bad as I felt. It was then I realized I should never leave the house again.... EVER!

Boy's Updates

Caius: My little sweetie has been having a tough time ever since we went on vaca. He has been getting hot easily and throwing up ALOT! He has been uncomfortable and not himself. Poor guy, makes me never want to leave the house again. We have an appointment with the Cardiologist on the 23, then from there we will schedule his heart repair surgery. Please pray for his doctors, specifically, Dr. Glasow- cardiologist, Dr. Husain and Dr. Calhoon- Heart Surgeons

Asher: Background- Asher has decided recently that he doesn't like strawberries. I've been giving them to Jorge, who didn't sleep in his shower last night. So he didn't eat all the fruits and veggies I put in there for him. The strawberries were either going into the trash or going to Jorge, that's how bad they looked.

So... Ash is eating his cereal this morning when Jorge comes and starts begging. So it was a bite for Ash and then a piece for Jorge. When they ran out of cereal they both disappeared. The house was quiet. Which as I'm sure you know is VERY scary! So I start looking and guess where I found them... in the shower....eating strawberries. Ash was covered in strawberry juice. I guess he saw Jorge eat the leaves and all cuz thats what he was trying to do but he spit the leaves out after he chewed on them a bit.

Request from Chrissie's Mother

Below is an excerpt from Chrissie's mother's blog. To read entire post visit

http://www.allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/

I will come to you." John 14:18

If everyone who has prayed for Chrissie would donate just $1 in her memory, we could saveatleast 5 international orphans. (That figure is based upon 100,000 people who have prayed for Chrissie around the world with an average international cost of $20,000 per international adoption.) If everyone who has prayed would donate $5 in Chrissie's memory, atleast 25 international orphans could be rescued.

Did you know that there are hundreds of families waiting to adopt a special needs orphan internationally? All they're waiting on is funding. It is expensive to adopt internationally, and it is hard for many families to come up with a large chunk of cash in one lump sum. But there is never a price too high to pay to save the life of a child, one of God's precious treasures, the least of these.

Did you know that many special needs orphans in other countries will sit in their cribs for 23 hours/day, many tied to their cribs, sitting in their waste, with no clothing or food? Some 12-year-old special needs orphans weigh a mere 20 pounds, as they waste away in their cribs in mental instutions around the world. Most of them don't make it to the age of 12. If they were to be adopted, they would be treasured members of a forever family where they would be given proper nutrition, nurturing, clothing, exercise, stimulation, affection, education, and above all else...unconditional love.

As my husband said in his address during Chrissie's celebration of life service, God may not call all of us to adopt orphans, but His Word tells us how important it is that we care for orphans. (Just get a Bible and look up "orphan" in the concordance.) One way you can easily care for orphans, without even sacrificing your own comfort, is to donate to families who are eagerly awaiting and anticipating saving the life of an orphan.

Finances should not stand in the way of families rescuing orphans, and you can so easily be a part of the solution. All you have to do is donate and your generosity will bring hope, healing and restoration to an orphan who will be rescued, loved, cherished...adopted.

Several of you have emailed me to let me know that Chrissie's story has inspired you to adopt and/or foster children. We are extremely grateful and humbled by your amazing response. Losing Chrissie has been the hardest thing we have endured as a family, but knowing that her miracle legacy continues brings great comfort to our spirits.

What to tell you.....

I have so many things to tell you each day that I tend not to choose which one to tell and then don't post at all. Like today, I can't decide if I should tell you about Asher chasing Seven, the cat, around with a battery operated nose sucker. Or about how gracious the Lord is that when Caius fell face first out of the swing on the back porch (cement), that he caused it to happen in slow motion so I was able to catch him before he hit. Thank you Lord! Or about how I saw something out of the corner of my eye trying to climb the railroad tie wall out back. It would jump and then hang half way up the wall. I figured it was Idgy cuz she always gets up there but she usually goes up a different spot. Then I thought it was one of the cats but they always make it..... I was confused so I looked straight at it and can you guess who it was? Yep it was Jorge. Who, by the way, has also figured out how to open the door on the shower where he sleeps at night. I swear!

Then there was Monday when Asher got in his pool fully clothed for the 4th or 5th time that weekend. He filled up a cup with pool water and yelled "G G G G....." Idgy came and drank out of the cup. When she got her fill, she left but she also left some grass in the cup. Asher then starting to take a drink saw the grass and pulled it out and then drank and drank and drank the yummy dog slobber pool water. Then he started yelling again. "G G G G G..." To say the least they were both quite water logged in the end.

So, since I can't decide I will just post the pics from our vacation. I will post more on facebook.

My sweet Angel

My Crazy Asher, riding a chicken!

Little flirt!

Asher swimming with a bucket of balls.